Thanks to everyone who entered our recent competition and sent in their funny quotes from or about their children. I am pleased to announce the two winners of the competition and have included a selection of the best of the rest entries for all to see.
My son came back from school and was sad...
"Dad I had to draw my family today and I got it wrong."
"Why's that, George?"
"I drew Mummy, and Maddy and baby Harriet and me and I drew you too."
"Well that's right, then, good boy!"
"But Dad, I drew hair ALL OVER YOUR HEAD when I should have just put a little bit on the sides"
Nathan Lawrence, Dorset
My son was annoying our elderly golden retriever by trying to ride on his back. I said "Stop that or he might snap".
He said "No he won't he just bends in the middle"
Dan Hinson, Peterborough
I have always had a beard. One day, I decided to shave it off. I came into the room where my 4-year-old daughter Bethanie was and asked her, "Notice anything different?"
Puzzled, she replied, "No".
I then said to her, "My beard's gone." The puzzled look instantly disappeared and was replaced with wide-eyed innocence. "I didn't take it!" she said.
Rick Clarke, Coventry
On visiting my sister her 5yr old came running in to say she had been playing with her friends 3 kittens, 2 were girls and 1 a boy.
"How do you know that" my sister asked.
She replied "I think it must be written underneath as her daddy picked them up and looked at their bellies".
Joe Whitney, Cornwall
Although I'd left farming to be the stay at home parent I still wanted my son to grow up like I had, understanding about the "birds and bees" rather than having to be told. We spent a lot of time around the farm animals and in the fields and I made a point of being around at calving time and for lambing. I thought it was all going well, one day particularly he was explaining to my wife about the ewes and the rams, about the babies growing in tummies, about how they get out. Then he blew it when he asked "Mum, which field was I born in?"
Jo Beaty, Lincolnshire
After a long morning of continual mithering by my daughter, then 4, I asked her "Do you know what the word no means?" she replied "Yes, it means ask again" She's 14 now and still a smart mouth.
Alistair Richardson, UK
On the bus my two year old asked about the poppies. I explained that it was to remember the soldiers who died so we might be free. After a moments thought, he replied "I will be free in February" He can't yet manage the th in three! It sent a titter round.
R. L. Pike, Middx.
After putting my 3 year old son Ben on the 'naughty stair' I went over and asked him to say sorry for what he had done and I couldn't help but laugh when he said 'but Ive got no more 'sorrys' left in my mouth'!!
Lee Andrews, UK
When you have children for the first two years of their life you encourage them to walk and talk and for the next sixteen you tell them to shut up and sit down!
Wayne Howell, London
My 6 year old daughter asked me if a rather heavily pregnant friend was having twins or twiglets.
Stevie Parsons, UK
"Every time I get my room just right my mum comes and tidies it up."
Alan Douglas, Scotland
On being asked not to jump on mummys tummy, 3 year old Archie asked why not. Because there's a baby in there it was explained. "But why did mummy eat a baby" he replied.
Judy Park, Leics
(When our hamster died) Don't worry dad, Hammy will be okay, he's gone to Haven!! (meant Heaven!!)
Alan William Greig, UK
Don't come runing to me when you fall and break both your legs.
Wendy, Hants
Spotted: A suited man, who was obviously not used to having to deal with junior. The poor little lad could not have been more than 18 months old was running posh dad ragged. Father lost it and shouted: "You don't even know the MEANING of the word compromise!"
Nick James, Birmingham
When asked what he thought we would find when we smashed open the coconut we had just drained of milk, Lloyd (4) said, 'A baby monkey?' Brilliant!
Kevin Crewe, West Yorkshire
At a wedding the bride and groom walked out of the church and a little boy looked uo at his parents and said "can we throw the graffiti now?"
Mike Tucker, UK
When I asked my husband to close the door because there was a draught coming in - my son ran to the door and stopped him - he wanted to SEE the 'giraffe' coming in.
Mo Farren, N Irealnd
My four year old son whilst in mfi said to me "Dad you know when I get married I dont want get rid of my bunk bed"
Richard Bowers, UK
On his first time on a double decker bus in London, my nephew pointed to the stairs and said 'Is that where the bedrooms are?'
Wayne Gilbey, UK
I guessed that my little girl, Maia, had pins and needles when she said "Mummy, my foot is fizzing!"
Lynda Taylor, Cheshire
My wife thought she was looking gorgeous after applying fake tan ..especially when my daughter said ..." Mummy you have beautiful skin" Then the killer line ...."it`s all orange!"
Gary Kenny, UK
"Daddy my icelolly is sweating!"
Kevin Jones, Suffolk